(Girl one [Normal]): Oh my god, look, it’s
her! *points finger*
(Girl two [British accent]): Ugh! She’s
SO LAME!
(Girl one): Come on girls! Let’s have a
little fun.
I was walking back home from school
thinking that the school day is FINALLY done. Then she walked in front of me.
(Girl three [Sassy girl accent]): And where do you think you’re going?
(Me [Shy girl accent]): Um…...I’m just
going home.
I tried to move past them. I tried to
ignore them before things got worse.
(Girl two): *Stands in her way* Oh no
you don’t! We’re not done playing
with you yet.
She shoves me into the mud. My glasses may
have fallen, but I can still see the smirks on their faces.
(Girl one): Let’s give you the treatment
that people like you deserve!
She stared beating me up. Then one by
one, the rest joined. It was either kicking me or kicking mud on my face.
(Each girl one by one): Get lost NERD!
FREAK! Go burn in hell! Just go die!
I couldn’t bare it anymore! I picked up
my glasses. I don’t care about my bag; I don’t care how I looked. RUN! I just
wanted to run! I was running street by street all the way to my house. I
unlocked the door and practically flew in. I ran upstairs, past my baby
brother’s room and into the bathroom. I checked the mirror, I looked like a
mess! Those girls were right; I AM a loser! Their words kept ringing in my
head; “NERD! FREAK! Why do you even bother?! People like you! Just go die!”
They weren’t stopping, (Gradually getting louder) get these stupid voices out
of my head! I started to cry. “IT BURNS!!!! IT’S BURNING RIGHT HERE!!!!
*Gestures to heart* WHY ME?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?!” I saw a pocket knife on the
sink. I slowly picked it up…opened it…and then…...
She stared beating me up. I just had to point that out. Second you should maybe talk a little bit more about the topic in general. Since it may sound really stupid but I do not really know what it is about. Im thinking about either murders or bullying.
ReplyDeleteI start discribing my topic in my second paragraph. This first one is just discribing a scenario on what usually happens or goes through the cutter's mind when they cut, and further information is being explained later. Thanks for the feed back though.
DeleteGreat opening! But I think you should add a little more into the groups of girls talk so it can get more into what your speech is about
ReplyDeleteGood opening but I think. You should be a bit more clear on what your topic is.
ReplyDeleteGreat opening but I think you should be a bit more specific about the title, and add a bit more detail of what the title is based on.
ReplyDelete